fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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