that's an acceptable place to lick
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
