I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
