He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sext me about skeletons
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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