We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
