I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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