Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
