i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I could have mohawked her pubes.
two words: eviction party
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
