i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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