It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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