Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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