I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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