As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
