You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
