It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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