i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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