I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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