Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
