Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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