My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
