my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
