I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
