If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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