Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
