I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
