I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
