like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
