You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
