we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize