tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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