I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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