could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
