don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it glows. i had to have it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
