Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
