You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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