Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.

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(518): View more from New York

I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable

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(817): View more from Texas

did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?

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(615): View more from Tennessee

When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.

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(302): View more from Delaware

My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night

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(330): View more from Ohio

lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes

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