I met the friendliest cop last night
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
