is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
