Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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