he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
