At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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