Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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