so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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