Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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