ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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