CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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