u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
