first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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