I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
splinters make it hard to masturbate
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
