All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
