well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
