you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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