WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
