yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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