Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
