Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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