so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
