Are you guys doing anything tonight?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.