wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
