If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.