so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me