Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps