We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.