piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.