Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.

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  (303): The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period. http://tfl.nu/nrl7
  Replies (6) Good night (2084) Bad night (651)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.

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  (573): Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving. http://tfl.nu/96e5
  Replies (33) Good night (765) Bad night (3153)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.

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  (612): you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all. http://tfl.nu/uo2n
  Replies (6) Good night (4865) Bad night (672)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.

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  (712): i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat. http://tfl.nu/sn6a
  Replies (5) Good night (3751) Bad night (976)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me

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  (617): She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me http://tfl.nu/0bof
  Replies (4) Good night (1391) Bad night (3220)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Thanks bro

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  (319): Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement? (1-319): Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice. (319): Thanks bro http://tfl.nu/7e10
  Replies (9) Good night (918) Bad night (1631)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally

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  (403): Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally http://tfl.nu/hf6w
  Replies (1) Good night (1636) Bad night (618)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.

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  (651): You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions. http://tfl.nu/alli
  Replies (8) Good night (1886) Bad night (693)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.

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  (304): High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well. http://tfl.nu/jxf6
  Replies (14) Good night (1992) Bad night (607)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.

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  (928): No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals. http://tfl.nu/o042
  Replies (4) Good night (692) Bad night (556)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?

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  (843): Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets? http://tfl.nu/2734
  Replies (9) Good night (531) Bad night (796)
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  (925): View more from California

  michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.

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  (925): michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him. http://tfl.nu/5r7o
  Replies (2) Good night (1006) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!

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  (925): You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here! http://tfl.nu/pvgq
  Replies (4) Good night (755) Bad night (327)
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  (067): View more from

  I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you

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  (067): I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you http://tfl.nu/7n00
  Replies (2) Good night (374) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas

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  (604): he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas http://tfl.nu/s6lv
  Replies (0) Good night (269) Bad night (363)

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