dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.