TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
