I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
