i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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