i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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