he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
