You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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