I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
