Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
