Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
