what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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