we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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