I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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