What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think your dad took our porno
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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