I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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