Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
