btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
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I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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