yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
