Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
