I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize